I’ve made almost 4000 drawings and paintings since the year 2000. Some are better, some are just simple fast sketches but I keep them all be cause for me these are more than just drawings, these are containing my feelings like the files of a diary .
Even if they are far from beeing masterpieces, my old drawings, the drawings I’ve made when I was 14, 15, 16 or 17, are special to me be cause the keep inside the feelings I had when I’ve made the, that strong desire to love and be loved, the image of the woman I’ve always wanted to have next to me, the love I could only dream of be cause I could never have.
Even if they are anatomically wrong and not aesthetic and artistic these drawings mean so much to me because in this drawings there is the woman I’ve always wanted to love. If she was real I would love her forever and she would mean everything to me. I’ve made these drawings when I was a lonely teenager. When I was in high school my art was all I had. I Had no one to talk to, no one to understand me, no one to love me and I’ve never had the courage to talk about my feelings because people would judge me. Here in Romania people are very intolerant and if the have to choose between a criminal, a schizophrenic or someone like me, they choose the criminal or the schizophrenic. Here in Romania people are influenced by the orthodox religion that teaches them to be misogyny and homophobic and by the years 2000, 2001, 2002 and 2003 the intolerance was bigger than now I was the girl who used to draw naked women and reject all the boys in high school and that’s why girls were avoiding me and boys were bulling me all the time. No one knew what was in my soul by that time.
If you lokk at this drawing you can realise ho much I wish I had this woman I always draw next to me, to love her and be loved by her and how much I suffered because I had to live alone hiding the pain inside.